Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a Nanny's life for me

So I have been in North Carolina for a little over a month now, and I've been actively nannying for a little over 3 weeks.  I have a few observations, a few pros and cons, if you will.

Pro:  Baby G is one of the gosh darn cutest babies on this whole entire planet.  That makes him a whole lot easier to deal with when he's being a toad baby. Or punching me in the throat. (This will be addressed below)

Con: Barf. I'm pretty sure every shirt I've ever worn and come into contact with Baby G has barf on it. Babies barf all the time. And they smell like sour milk. If you haven't had the fortune to experience sour milk barf smell, let me tell you that it isn't one of the more appetizing smells on the planet. It's pretty much revolting.

Pro: Freaking cute pajamas. What is it about baby footy pajamas with little tiny feet waving around in them? What is it about cute babies that makes you want to eat them? That is the real question of the day. Those of you who have babies or have taken care of babies know what I mean. Those tiny little cute toes? They are made to be nommed.

Con: Getting elbowed in the throat by a thrashing baby. Nothing makes me more aggravated than getting sucker punched in the throat. Really, Baby G? You just earned yourself a time out in the swing so Auntie Lauren can check if her vocal cords still work. And her esophagus.

Pro: Clean baby smell. When Baby G gets out of the bath, he smells so delicious! And every now and then, if the moon is aligned with Venus and someone breathed something sweet on the baby's head, he smells like Cocoa Puffs. Ah, heavens, there is nothing better than a baby Cocoa Puff head.

Con: Poop. I don't mean to offend your delicate sensibilities with talk of poop, but let's just say that diapers can be messy and you better be quick to notice that the diaper is full, or else you'll be washing poop out of the baby's pants, onesie, hair, your clothes, and anything else the baby managed to come into contact with when Poop-ageddon stuck.  The Poop-ocalypse.  The Poop-splosion. It's bad, guys.

Pro: Smiles and laughs.  Sleep smiles, specifically, are the absolute sweetest. They make you forget that you just managed to get a tasmanian devil to sleep, and if anyone wakes that baby they're dead to you. And that rare, but fantastic belly laugh is to die for! I challenge you not to burst out laughing at the baby who thinks you're so hilarious they can't help but laugh from their soul.

Con: Waking up in the middle of the night. There is nothing more difficult than convincing yourself to get out of bed in the middle of a REM cycle.   However, there is no better and more effective alarm clock than a baby. 

Pro: Post-nap soggy baby. One of the sweetest things is a post-nap baby, when he's gotten a full nap in. Then he's happy and soggy and he just wants to lay on your shoulder or press his face against yours and he's just as sweet as can be. 

So there are pros and cons to being a nanny, and this isn't by any means a comprehensive list, but throat punching, barf, and poop aside, It's a pretty great gig.

The Time Has Come.

It's time to come clean. It's time to be transparent.

I, Lauren, have a bully. I've barely been here for a month and already I'm being targeted relentlessly.  I rarely leave the house due to the nature of my job, but it doesn't matter. My bully attacks me in my own home. 

But it's time to come clean. It's time to expose this bully for the menace it is.

My bully.... is North Carolina.

See, at first I thought we could be friends. It is really very pretty. I complimented it. I appreciated it's rustic, natural beauty. However it was to no avail. North Carolina had it out for me from the moment I got here.  My very first day here it decided to put on a show of sheer force in an attempt at intimidation. This took the form of a severe thunderstorm that was essentially right above the house and it knocked out power for a while (including the TV! Horror!) It didn't work, though. I saw right through the ploy. I stood my ground.

North Carolina has tried similar tricks since.  One in particular was quite impressive. In the middle of a storm, the sky grew bright orange. I'd never seen such a sky. It threw an orange cast on absolutely everything. the air looked thick with it.  Apparently, for those in the know, a bright orange sky means threat of hail. That was my first death threat from North Carolina. It was ready and willing to pummel me to the ground with hail.

It's latest tactics have been more insidious. More ingenious. More fatal.... I don't know what I've done to make North Carolina rage against me so, but it's decided that I must be expelled, excised, gotten rid of once and for all.

Lately it's been attacking inside the house. Via my allergies.

I've been faithfully taking my Zyrtec, don't get me wrong. I know I have allergies and do everything I can to make life easier for myself. But by golly North Carolina is a relentless foe. There is just wave after wave of attacks upon my sinuses.  I can't even count how many tissues I've gone through. How many sneezes I've sneezed. And the tissues! Oh the tissues! I know I mentioned them twice, but they haunt me. Always needed, and rarely within reach. North Carolina has found my weakness. But, like you are supposed to do with bullies, I will stand firm against the onslaught.  I will not allow myself to be forcibly removed from this state and my job.

So, BRING IT, North Carolina! You don't scare me.

The Sturdy Kind That Doesn't Mind the Snow!!!!

So for those of you who know me, you know I ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY ADORE CHRISTMAS. Well, since Pinterest is a magical wonderland of all things awesome and frightening, I am having Christmas-in-August Syndrome. The Holidays and Events category is my favorite place to hang out and one of my favorite boards to review and see all of my wonderful pin ideas that I will probably never utilize and/or make but tell myself that I will. (Frightening due to the large numbers of spider related Hallowing things, and creepy fake dead things) Ahh Pinterest. How do I love thee, let me pin the ways....

Anyway, back to Christmas-in-August.  Do you wonder if you have contracted this particular affliction? If so, darling, I am here to help.  Please note if you are experiencing any of the following symptoms, particularly in the month of August:

• You sing your favorite Christmas songs to the baby for whom you nanny to instill in him the Christmas Spirit.  (Oh, is that just me?)
• You methodically go through your iTunes Christmas playlist perfecting the mix of Christmas songs to highlight the cheer and wonder and awesomeness of Christmas. (Note: It's a Spike Jones Christmas, John Denver and the Muppets' A Christmas Together, Martina McBride's White Christmas, and Celene Dion's These are the Special Times are the Christmas soundtracks of my life)
• You make a mental list of all of your favorite Christmas movies and have to stop yourself from watching all of them all the time. (6 different versions of A Christmas Carol? Thank you, Mom for that passion)
• You pin multiple Christmas-themed wreaths. WHO NEEDS THAT MANY WREATHS?! But really, I'm going to put a wreath on every door. 
• You plan out Christmas traditions for when you someday one day have a family and can make your own traditions. 
• You have dreams about being in Christmas programs. (True story. Except the song we sang was called "Forever" and it was about Japanese business transactions. Whaaaaat????) 
• You daydream of snow and snuggling into blankets and sweaters and drinking hot cocoa and cider.
• You do an Amazon search for Uggs, which you have been ardently against your entire life.  
• You can't even possibly wait to start wrapping and bowing presents. 

What is that? What is that you say? You don't have any of those symptoms? You don't suffer from Christmas-in-August like I do?  Well you obviously don't honor Christmas in your heart and try to keep it all the year. (Name that book/movie)  You might have Grinch-itis. I would prescribe 1 cup of hot cocoa with at least 8 mini marshmellows and 2 mugs of apple cider (with Aspen Mulling Spices, of course. Trust me on this one. It'll be the best cider you've ever had in your life).

Merry Christmas-in-August to all, and to all a good night!!!