An Expose on Gainesville

After living in Gainesville for just almost a year now, I have been able to observe the culture and the people from an outsider's point of view, giving what may be a much needed perspective to the oddities and eccentricities of the city.  So without further ado, and in no particular order, here are:

The Top Ten Things I Learned While Living in Gainesville:

1.  If you are an FSU fan, you take your life into your hands by making it known.
2.  The whole city pulses to the heartbeat of the University. Businesses close for UF's Homecoming game. (It happened at my job and we got a paid holiday for it!)
3.  It is an unwritten rule that everyone is expected to wear orange and blue the Friday before a game, regardless of student status.
4.  It is perfectly acceptable and encouraged to wear an entire outfit composed of orange and blue, regardless of the presence of a university logo. Also, if you want to blend into the crowd and not stand out, just wear orange and blue. You'll look like everyone else.
5.  It is perfectly acceptable and encouraged to paint your business orange and blue
6.  If you have to go anywhere on game day, just don't. You won't make it.
7.  The coolest and most worthwhile experiences in Gainesville are often free - The Free Friday music series in the summer, the various Farmer's Markets, The Natural History Museum, Gator Nights, etc.
8.  The best pizza ever is at Satchel's where you can sit in a VW bus and eat fantastic pizza - and everyone in Gainesville knows it.
9.  Everyone has a warped sense of time and distance if they have lived here over a year. Anything beyond a 5-10 minute drive from the house is "too far." 
10.  No one moves to Gainesville if they aren't somehow in some way affiliated with the University.  Gator born and bred, employed, student, dating a student, etc.  Gainesville has very little to offer those who care nothing about the University. 

Bonus: If you mention your complete apathy regarding the school or absolutely any of the sports it prides itself in, you will be considered a strange and dangerous person who should be regarded with extreme caution. You are obviously a spy sent to gather secrets.

Bonus 2: There are extremely subtle differences between UF's orange and blue and Auburn's orange and blue. Everyone will tell you they are completely different, but they aren't. They're pretty much the same. I just needed to speak the truth into your life. I may now be pummelled in the street after I post this, so pray for my safety.

Bonus 3: Gainesville is a literal swamp. Call it irony, call it poor city planning. Literal swamp, and it feels like it in the summer. You can swim to your destination.


In short, living in a college town both creeped me out and intrigued me. The pride runs so deep! The support is so strong! The expectations are so high! The orange and blue so abundant! (Also, no one ever EVER says blue and orange. No idea why. Always orange and blue, IN THAT ORDER) I liked it and I hated it. I'll be glad I'm gone and I'll miss it.  But I don't think I'll be settling down in a college town anytime soon. :)

Taaake Ooon Meeee (Take on me!) Taaaake Meee Oooonn!!

Name that 80s song. (Come on, its really easy)

It's been a good while since this happened, but I just got around to feeling like posting. Cause I had lots of important things to do. Like cook dinner and watch movies and sleep. And Pin things.

I'm lazy.

ANYWAY, a couple weeks ago, Jason and I went on a double date with some charming friends who just got together. (we approve of this pairing!) We decided to be adventurous and go rock climbing!!! Wooo!!!!

Confession: I was pretty terrified before we actually got there. And then I was just scared. And then I started climbing and I got terrified again. But that's a story for a little bit later.

We had to wait for our belay class, so we started out with some Bouldering.  This is essentially rock climbing for which you don't need a harness or belaying device, or even partner.  All of the walls are pretty short and (in my completely uneducated in rock climbing things opinion) seems to require more skill and strength to maneuver than the walls do.  There is a tunnel where you are expected to be able to climb to the top upside down. UPSIDE DOWN! Here's Jason, to demonstrate:

Look, Ma! No Harness!

 And here's me, to demonstrate that I can at least get upside down even if I can't do anything else from there:

"Quick, quick, I'm slipping! I'll never manage this again!"

Finally, it was time to take our class. The four of us were in a class with three other couples (It was a 2 for one deal with the entrance fee, and also you have to have two people to do any sort of belaying). I don't mean to brag, but we definitely were super awesome and caught on incredibly quickly. For example, the guys ended up actually learning how to set up the belay device first while we girls scampered up a practice wall so they could figure out how it works. Afterwards, we switched and the teacher had us see what we could do on our own from having watched the guys. When we did it perfectly, she was very surprised and impressed. We're just naturals. No big deal. After we learned how to safely climb a wall, we were released into the wild rock jungle to climb to our hearts' content.

Jason is a pro. He had never been rock climbing before but his strength and agility made it very easy for him to scamper up walls. If there had been a button at the top, he would have smacked it every time.

I, however, more accurately represent the amateur class. The beginner class, really. I very consistently got about 3/4th up the wall and decided enough was enough, thankyouverymuch, and I would like to come down now. (When you're ready to come down, you yell "Take!" down to your belay-er and when he is ready for you to let go he will say "Take On!")

It wasn't so much that I was afraid of how high I was, but more of a combination of two factors:
1) The higher up you go, the sparser the foot/hand holds, which makes it a little more challenging to get to the top.  (Or so it seemed to me?)
2) After I got to my internal ceiling, I would have a sudden fear of slipping and falling to the ground. This is silly because Jason is a big, strong man and more than capable of making sure my rope is taut and locked so that I don't fall at all if I let go of the wall. But it was a mental thing that I found very hard to get past, because I can't FEEL him supporting me, I just KNOW he is.Hard to wrap one's brain around. Also, my hands would get shaky with adrenaline.

But I still had fun! I just had a ceiling to my fun. It contained my fun and made it even funner. Ha. So take that, Jason. My fun was more fun than your fun.

These are the kiddos whom we accompanied:

Hi! You're famous now! Just kidding, only my family reads this anyway.

All in all, we had a blast, got in a great workout, and generally sweated like pigs (wait, you guys didn't? oh..) and got smoothies afterwards. Pretty great double date if you ask me.

Look how tiny our feet look! These are magic shoes.

My whole body hurt for about a week afterwards.

That Awkward Moment When...

You answer the phone at work and the rather annoying guy who says your name 18 times in a 2 minute conversation (just in case you forgot who he was talking to) says "Hey Lauren, you almost went a full day without me calling and buggin you!"

WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU SAY TO THAT?

"uh.... yup?"
"hrmm... you caught me?"
*awkward laughter*
"please never call here again"

I opted for the awkward laughter... because I honestly didn't know what else would be a remotely appropriate response. 

He then proceeded to personally address each following sentence to me. "So Lauren, is so and so in? Okay Lauren, well when will he be back? Now, Lauren, will you take a message? Never mind, Lauren, I'll call back later"

Please, please, for the sake of receptionists everywhere, don't remind someone of their name 18 times in a 2 minute conversation. It isn't necessary. It isn't nice. It makes receptionists want to pull their hair out. It's actually really condescending. And while you're at it, for the sake of everybody anywhere, don't ever make a comment along the lines of "too bad I'm here bugging you again" because it just puts everyone in an awkward position and makes them dread your calls even more.

Don't make people dread your calls.

Sister, I don't have to be a Nanny-Receptionist do I? I don't know if I'm cut out for it anymore.

It's beginning to look a lot like pizza... Everywhere we go...

Well tonight marks the end of Jason's and my week without starch!!! We made it successfully with neither of us fainting and falling to the floor from lack of pasta.  We have, however, talked a LOT about pizza and bread and things we wish we could eat. There were times we were tempted, there were times we were tried, but we stuck to our guns and came out victors in the end!!!

We tried a bunch of new recipes this week and some definitely will become staples while others ended up a little... well... meh. In case you are interested, our two favorites were Sweet and Spicy Salmon and Creole Shrimp and Sausage Stew.  They were DELICIOUS and made us want to eat 18 pounds of it.

We had a lot of green beans, squash, zucchini, and sweet potato fries this week, too, because one of our goals was to eat more veggies. One of us did moreso than the other. (I'll let you guess who ate more veggies. Hint: me)

We even had a date night on Friday and went out to eat at Panera while successfully adhering to our dietary rules! It was really nice because we both tried something new, which we NEVER do at Panera.  I got the Fuji apple and turkey salad with broccoli-cheese soup and Jason got the BBQ chopped salad with broccoli-cheese soup (the ONLY way he will eat broccoli ever. And he still gives me his large broccoli chunks).  They were really delicious! They did come with a baguette, which we forgot to tell them we didn't need, so we just had to stare at the bread while we ate our soup with nothing to dunk in it.  It was difficult. We almost faltered, but we didn't eat the bread!

All in all, I'm pretty proud of us this week.  It's been a real eye-opener to realize how much I eat starch on a daily basis and I've even lost a few pounds this week. I won't tell you how much, though, because I'm afraid they might come back. The Beetlejuice Effect and all... (I first tried to write Betelgeuse, but then realized thats the star, not the movie. I guess I'm just too darn sophisticated for such base movie choices)

In other astronomy news: If you are a human in North America, you too can view the Transit of Venus across the sun on (this!) Tuesday the 5th! It should happen around sunset, but I haven't figured out an approximate time yet.  If you do, make sure you use some kind of eclipse glasses or pinhole configuration so you do not stare directly at the sun. Apparently this will only happen once in our lifetimes? Jason discovered it in an astronomy book yesterday at Barnes n Noble, and a google search confirmed it! Go forth and view Venus crossing the sun!!

This is why I love my family

Today my Sister and I were texting about my upcoming birthday. Our conversation then turned in a fashion typical to my wonderful family. My strange, hilarious, sweet, kooky, wonderful family.

Me: "18 more days til my birthday!!!!!!!!"

Sister: "Nooo it can't be!"

Me: "I'll be 22! I dont know how I feel about this. I'll just stay 21 please. Kthanks"

Sister: "What's wrong with 22?"

Me: "It means I'll turn 23 and then 24 and the madness will continue until I'm 60! I'm not ready to be 60!"

Sister: "Heck, I'm not ready to be 30. I'm there and I'm still not ready! That means I'm halfway to 60!!"

Me: "Ahh!!!

Sister: "Whatever you do, no not order a DQ ice cream cake"

[Side Note: I have had tragic experiences with Dairy Queen ice cream cakes in the past few years. On multiple occasions they've comepletely messed up the decoration/name/writing and scraped it off to haphazardly re-write/draw it. Once there was no fudgy chocolate layer (the best part! I mean, come on!). Once it was all vanilla ice cream instead of half vanilla and half chocolate. And once they screwed up the design so badly my Sister had to re-do it. And she did a fabulous job piping UCF's Pegasus]

Me: "I feel like I need to, though, just to keep the tradition of horribly messed up cakes alive."

Sister: "No... Because if it actually turns out right... Well, then you'll be filled with false hope and a desperate longing to do it again. So you'll test fate. You'll order a Labor Day cake. And that one might be right. Then you'll order a Thanksgiving cake and a St. Patty's Day cake and an Arbor Day cake. This will continue until your 60th birthday bash where the cake will be a wreck of epic proportions, rendering that birthday and every previous birthday a lie. You will go mad with grief and start carrying around large quantities of spoons who you will "talk" through as you warn perfect strangers of the dastardly deeds of the vicious DQ."

Me: "Bahahahahaha you are completely right. I can't tempt fate that way. What a miserable 60th birthday that would be! I'm declaring it now - when I turn 60, no one is allowed to get me any form of ice cream cake!"

Sister: "I'll make you an 'Older Than' dirt cake"

[Side Note Again: dirt cake is something Mom would make for ours and other peoples birthdays sometimes when we didn't feel like cake (which was most years. we had lots of alternative cakes) and it involved pudding and ground up oreos and probably other tasty things in a big flower pot with gummy worms on top and through it and plastic flowers sticking in it. Delicious and grody! Perfect for kids.]



Don't you wish your family were more like mine? You should. You don't know what you're missing.

And don't get me a DQ ice cream cake. My future sanity depends on it.